Two Year New Yorker-versary

"Always remember why you started" 

Year TWO. A struggle, to say the least. . but I made it another year in this crazy city. If any of you have ever been to NYC, you know this is truly a hustle and bustle city. So with that I've developed a love/hate relationship with this place. New York on it's own isn't easy but add on the year I've had. . . It's exhausted me and I don't know if this is the city for me anymore?

I'm going to be as transparent and real as I can be about the journey this second year has been.... 

It's absolutely mind blowing how quickly things in your life can change. This exact time last year I was ecstatic about making it through my first year in NYC all by myself. This year, I've been faced with one of THE hardest year of my life. The past 7 months have been the most devastating, heartbreaking months I've ever endured and it has left me second guessing, and re-evaluating everything that is important to me. 

6 months ago I posted about losing my best friend in February. I mentioned that losing her taught me to make sure that you truly cherish every moment with the ones you love. I never imagined that just a few short months, 4 to be exact, those words would have an even heavier meaning when I lost a a huge part of myself. .  My older brother

I'm not quite ready or think I'll ever be strong enough to really go in depth about that on my blog. To put it simply, I completely lost myself after the death of my brother. I lost all motivation for any and everything I had going on in NYC. I was ready to completely pack it all up, go home and never come back. I honestly didn't think I was going to make it to a second "New Yorkerversary". 

Making the decision to stay and continue to build my career here, away from everyone and everything I love or be closer to my family at a time when I need them the most without having the feeling of I gave up on my dreams? Questions I'm asking myself daily, and praying God will send me the answers to.

I don't quite know where the strength to come back came from, it's still a day to day process. While I have no idea what the future holds or how much longer I'll remain in this city. . . . I will say I'm proud for making it this far and conquering this city in the way that I have the past two years. 

As always, thanks for stopping by, as well as all the love & support! Xoxo, Z!